So, my mood has been up and down in a strange sort of way but at the moment it feels like it may be back on the rise – I’m currently not low, just slightly detached from myself at times but a lot more interactive. I don’t want to get my hopes up except for being fed up with the horrible feelings; it seemed to be dragging this time around so here’s hoping 🙏🏻
I’m still battling in the morning to remain awake. I’m absolutely fine waking and getting up first thing in the morning, it’s just if I stop moving and sit down. About an hour after getting up my eyes will be hit with a dead weight, start to droop and if I close them, that’s it, I’m out. Sitting is the worst, I need to be moving slightly or the over empowering urge to close my eyes hits with force. Whilst writing this I’ve briefly closed my eyes only for my head to tilt back, then snapping awake, getting up to prevent comatose. I’m getting better at learning how to control it, and it doesn’t last for more than half hour then will pass. This may hit unexpectedly throughout the day, more so when I start to get hungry which unfortunately has meant an increase of half a stone since Christmas.
I think it’s safe to say that at the moment my brain is a little more active in producing some things to write if I think about it but it’s still fairly quiet which for me is relatively good but not at all normal. I had the odd day last week too when I was up more than down, so hoping the meds are starting to level out. For a while now, when I to write, unless it was a memory I’d thought about previously, I’d struggle to engage. Yesterday, however, my thoughts were their usual random ramble but have quitened a bit again today.
Yesterday I was looking at Fs biorb tank wishing away another week so that I can transfer him back. He’s currently in an old gold fish tank on the fireplace while the biorb set-up settles. He’s supposed to be cleaned once a month but it was getting to three weeks when everything would be green. The rocks were green, heater – green, tank – green, bubble tube – green, everything was green. I decided to use my birthday money, putting it towards a new biorb set-up. I ordered new stones, bubble tube, air stones, heater, live rocks and filter with tubing as I’d accidentally dropped the old one and its replacement was too noisy. Initially we did contemplate giving him away as cleaning marine biorb is not the easiest, especially with a bad back but he’s mine, I like him too much and we’ve had him for about eight years, outliving a shrimp, three crabs, two adopted fish and an algae eating slug. Although I’m not sure the slug was suited to a biorb.
Anyhow… today’s post has turned into a pet ramble. Maybe soon I’ll tell you about the Hamster we buried alive, the rabbit taken by the local cat, the baby mice being eaten by their mother, the stabbed toad, the floating gold fish or the live worm mud pies! 🤔