Teasing, Taunting, Bullying

What do you do when your child is verbally bullied on the coach, day in, day out?!

Our eldest receives free transport to the secondary school she attends but her friends do not go on the coach she’s been designated. Every morning or afternoon, the children push her aside and bundle on to the bus trying to get to the front seat of the coach. The elder children go to the back, as you’d expect, so the next best thing for the lower school children is to fight for the front instead. If our daughter gets on the bus before anyone else arrives, she’ll sit at the front, not because it’s the popular spot but because it makes are feel comfortable being able to see where the bus is going once it starts to move. However, there are a few girls who like to make a big fuss most mornings about this and will either barge past her which isn’t hard as she is petite for her age, or will make comments on the way past or while sitting behind her.

Due to the nature of the issues that have happened since before she left the Juniors and went up into Secondary school, I had to liaise with the school ‘Pastoral Care’ to make them aware and to highlight the issues that she was dealing with without telling anyone. They informed me and later spoke to her, that she must tell them of all incidents or they are unable to work with us and fix things. So, suffice to say, she reported the verbal taunts from one girl on the coach but now the friend of this girl has started in her place.

I don’t want our daughter to get pulled into the game by retaliating, which is what she is thinking of doing by replying with short remarks in reply, but at the same time how do I get her to stand up for herself without making things worse for her re: school ethos and rules!?!

Its like having a small blade pushed into your side and slowly twisted; apart from forcing your child to keep reporting bullying or for you to be constantly on the phone snitching on the kids doing the dirty, what else can be done. You have to listen to your child vent about the abuse that they receive and really, apart from follow the procedures, you and they, have to endure it and carry on as if nothing is happening.

Over the last few years we’ve taught our daughter how to vent to prevent physical and verbal behaviour which we were receiving in the home. The anxiety levels were extremely high although now we have them at a reasonable level but more than the typical child, and there were a lot of leg, arm and hand flaps with temper tantrums. These are all things that we now have under control but not something I want to regress!

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8 thoughts on “Teasing, Taunting, Bullying

  1. First, understand that the behavior of these bullying girls is utterly unacceptable! You’ve spoken to the school I presume and made them aware of the problem? But the problem still persists. Have you spoken to the driver? It seems to me the driver has responsibility here to ensure your daughter is not harrassed, bullied, bothered or in anyway impeded in just getting on and finding a seat.

    Bullies are horrible creatures, really.

    I assume it would embarrass your daughter to the ends of the earth if you got on the bus (coach?) with her so that’s probably not an option.

    What about addressing the issue with the parents of these creatures (children)?

    My son was little for his age, we’d just moved to New York from living in Japan, he stood out because of the ethinc makeup of the school (as one can imagine NY being a melting pot of all cultures) he was picked on and picked on and picked on. He would alternate between tears and fury but felt powerless to do anything about it. I talked to his teacher, I talked to his principal I attempted to talk to the parents but in doing so I discovered the bullying began there, at home with these kids and there was no help there.

    I was finally, after months of this horrible experience for my son, tired of it. For him, about it, that it continued unabated even though the “adults” were made aware of the situation. My daughter, his older sister by 2 years tried daily to intervene to no avail. So one day while I was at the school because my kids were in a singing program or play or something I visited my son’s classroom. My son’s got as big as saucers because he knew my visit didn’t bode well….I asked him, in a loud voice for all to hear, which one of these punks are the ones picking on you? My son hesitated but his fear of my anger was worse than his fear of the bullies. He silently pointed each one out.

    I went up to each one, and leaned down, quietly whispered in their ear a personal threat. If they EVER say or do anything to my son again, I will find them and do the same thing times 10 to them….something like that.

    From that day forward my son’s school experience was easy. No one bothered him again. Did it embarrass him? He said it didn’t as he was tired of the whole being bullied daily routine. The only thing that bothered him he said was that he was incapable of handling the situation himself….wanting to be a “man” at 7 years old. 😦

    Was I right in doing that? Gee I don’t know, in retrospect maybe not. But would I do it again? Yes.

    As I said at the beginning of this bulying is unacceptable! If the authorized personnel will do nothing about it, even after being apprised of the situation, we as parents still must protect our children.

    • Yes, school are aware that she was getting mild forms of bully, can you call them mild? Why would I want to label it as mild, any form of bullying is just that, bullying! But anyway, she has to report each time on a case by case basis and fill out an incident form. Nothing like trying to deter children from reporting the bullying!

      She hasn’t reported this recent change, but if I hear about it again, I will be making sure she goes in to the pastoral care team to report it.

      I don’t think talking to e parents is an option here, we live in a very clique village of parents who raise their children older than they are and want them to be friends with them before parent. If you see what I mean. It’s a weird attitude within the village that I don’t like; you are to be in with the crowd or you’re left on the sidelines.

      I’ll be keeping an eye on the coming weeks and if it doesn’t stop, I’ll be booking an appointment to go in a discuss it. The school make it clear that they don’t tolerate bullying, yet they don’t seem to want to accept that it happens within their school either. At least not some teachers – they want to give the bullies the benefit of the doubt and believe we are mistaken!

      Only time will tell, but I’m not the sort of person to let things lie 🙂

      • That’s just disgusting….the village, its people and its clique at the expense of a child!!!

        What about contacting the police? In my town, of course bullying exists BUT the schools have a zero tolerance of it. Apparently you don’t enjoy the same type of attitude where you are. But with that zero tolerance, the police can get involved.

        Go to your local newspaper and ask them to write about it? Expose these children for their bad behavior which apparently is condoned by their parents.

        Short of moving away, you’re in a bad predicament. As a parent, the limitations are there…can’t hit the parents, can’t hit the kids…lol…not that you’d want to. I wouldn’t advise it either. But are you supposed to just let this continue? What about your daughter? What is this doing to her grades? What is this doing to her self esteem? Her overall view of school and the students in general? I feel for you. Its a monsterous situation.

      • Unfortunately that kind of attitude in some ways is held across the country but some areas are worse than others. Apart from the clique parenting of our village, in the norm, its generally a good area compared to some. Although like most, no parent wants to believe their child is a bully and most will palm it off as a little bit of fun or over exaggeration. Some do have parents that condone it while others will rather bury their head in the sand until its raised up higher in the school. Yet once you’re known as a parent of a child that’s got yours into trouble, I’m sure it will black list you as a person to avoid. Not that I care, they avoid me anyway as I don’t interact with them 🙂

        All schools here say they have zero tolerance, but I think they try and deal with things carefully so as not to make it worse. However, the softly softly approach isn’t always the right one. Children get the message that they can get away with it, but this school is new to us so we are still learning how they deal and whether they stick to their word.

        We don’t have the police involvement here, they’re too busy trying to deal with the day to day stuff that they struggle with because of government cut backs. There are processes to follow within the schools and then up and into the school boards, then councils etc.. Police have involvement for outside, but verbal bullying of this nature isn’t ally on their list of priorities. However, if it was physical abuse, they would step in!

        We’ll see how it goes.

      • I understand…the matter hasn’t risen to a high enough level to be dealt with appropriately. I hope it calms down soon…perhaps its just the picking on the new girl to see what’s she’s made of? If so, they will get bored (hopefully soon) and move on to another poor victim.

  2. First…i must take a deep breath and say that my heart is with you. As a mom of a 10 year old boy…i witness some of the cruel behaviors or choices that some of these struggling young teens make. I must say that i watch those who turn into bullies overnight…and it is ALWAYS because they don’t believe in themselves to begin with. Either they themselves are the victim of such treatment from another…or others hold such high expectations of them…that they feel better about themselves when they make others feel smaller.

    And still…these observations don’t change the fact that this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE!!!

    That is what i try to instill in my son. At times he has come home to complain of a bully. But i stand in warrior strength to tell him that NO ONE has the right to treat him this way…EVER!!! I just keep repeating it till he finally gets it. If we dis-empower the bully…it doesn’t matter what they say!!!

    I ask him not to treat them with aggression in any way…because that would only further encourage the behavior. I just tell him to find his POWER and forcefully let them know that they have no power over him. He can do it with a stance, a look, or some well chosen words conveyed with power.

    It IS a difficult situation. I pray that you find a peaceful solution for you and your beautiful daughter!! I have also found Archangel Michael to be a beautiful guardian of support and protection. Perhaps a special crystal gifted to her with a prayer to Archangel Michael may assist. My thoughts are lovingly with you.

    I also must say that as an adult…no matter how protective of our young we may be…if we become the bully to the bullies…we have taught nothing but how to bully. Continue to follow your heart…and the answer will appear!!

    YOU ARE LOVED!!!!

    • Thank you 🙂

      And yes, I try and get our daughter to understand that she is better than them, but in all honesty, I know no matter what you tell yourself, inside, it still hurts. For a young child, sometimes it feels like the end f the world but after surviving lonely secondary school years, while I can sympathise, empathise etc.. I don’t have the control or power to stop it; I’m just the piece on the board that helps guide the powers who do, in the right direction.

      Hopefully things will settle, I don’t think the bullies like it that she either ignores them or offers up things like ‘you can sit next to me if you want’ and doesn’t give in to their taunts.

      • Ahhhh…she is so brave!! How beautiful!! My prayers will continue to walk with you. May your daughter ONLY be surrounded by all of the radiant light and support that she is so truly worthy of!!! 🙂 And for you dear mom…your heart is beaming with faith and love in a most difficult predicament!! That shows your own beautiful light!! I pray that your prayers are heard…and your family knows only love!!

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