Standing in the Distance

20121103-223251.jpgThe night when all the fireworks displays around the country are shining bright and making the loudest noises.

I like fireworks, NO, I love fireworks. The problem I have is that my son has a sensory processing disorder and for that reason we are unable to enjoy them.
Tonight was a mixed bag of emotions; my in-laws have moved closer to us but even closer to the main centres fireworks display. Yay!!

The plan was to go there for dinner then all pile into the garden and watch the fireworks from a distance; hoping that they’d be big enough to view. It was a little nippy and they started off later than scheduled, but they started with a bang a very loud bang that our son didn’t enjoy. He ran into the house quicker than you can say ‘go’ and closed the door behind him refusing to come out. It wasn’t our house and I wasn’t going to leave him in doors on his own so I tried to get him to watch them out of the landing window – point blank refusal.

There was a little whining and weird behaviour, mainly because it was getting late and not part of his usual routine but also because it was something he wasn’t enjoying. He didn’t like how the noise and vibration of the fireworks ran through his body.
I managed to draw his attention away from the discomfort by giving him my phone to play a game, but it didn’t change the fact that I was unable to go outside like you’re supposed to on fireworks night. I wasn’t able to appreciate the nipping cold air while snuggling into the many layers that I’d piled or do any awing at the amazing fireworks. I did however get to see them from the landing window and towards the end I actually had a big smile on my face, but it wasn’t as enjoyable as it should have been and it tugged at my heart strings.

It made me sad that my son is unable to participate in the yearly enjoyment that so many children love. That we can no longer go to events where fireworks are the main attraction, or any attraction for that matter. We can’t join in with friends and family who boast amazing photos on Flickr or Facebook, or give us their run down of events and their adventures from the weekend that we know we’ll never be able to have.

Next week I’ll give my usual smile of excitement at their stories, show my interest and maybe give encouragement for more, nod and ooo – ar, but deep inside, It will still be hurting!


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