Taking Control

On the way home from school, our daughter was being rude to her brother, arguing with him, telling him what he shouldn’t be doing, taking control and bossing him around. When I explained she was doing what we’d discussed not do to in our morning counselling session, she exclaimed she was in a bad mood and it wasn’t her fault. I suppose I can be thankful for her ability at that point to explain her feelings. I explained that while it wasn’t her fault for being angry, it wasn’t right for her to take it out on her brother – obviously she stormed off heavy footed.

As I’ve said in earlier posts, just through trial and error and experience, I learnt how not to react, although there are occasions when I still lose my temper but generally I’m more in control with my calm side, being very self-conscious on how I react. When I lose control and can feel it coming and sometimes at that point I think its going to tip and I’m going to spill – yes I could stop it, I can stop it, but sometimes I need to vent too and bottling up all that frustration dealing with her isn’t always a good thing!

When we got home she said L & J had made her cry… I managed to get her to write this in her mood book (with a little coaxing). This mood book we created so that she has somewhere to exert all that pent-up anger and emotion without the need to bombard me minute after minute with her rants; although this has been a hit and miss task. she still likes to spend hours ranting about this and that, rarely leaving me alone and I carry on with what I’m doing listening calmly trying to give positive responses. Sometimes when it comes to bullying I don’t know what to say? I can only offer the advice to ignore them, tell your teacher, answer back with this etc.. I try to comfort the best I can but I can’t remove the bullies and believe even with a change of school she will have the same problems. She’s different, doesn’t fit it, doesn’t like what they like, doesn’t react like them, doesn’t talk or feel like them… its hard!

We decided to write the mood book in the evenings when we had our Mummy/daughter time, but this was only completed when I wrote in the book as her scribe while she told me what she wanted me to put. Eventually she’d pop into her bedroom and scribble something angry and then leave it but I was finding that she wasn’t really using it to her advantage and I didn’t want to force her and feed into her anxiety and frustration. I needed a log of her moods, behaviour, anxiety and frustration without prompting her – yes I got all that from her coming to me everyday but that was what I heard, no one else hears it or sees it other that my husband and son.

So, I now keep my own log on various behavioural issues and to try to help her, I read on Science Daily about Blogging may help teens dealing with social distress, I created a blog for her, with her, that she logs into and types up her thoughts, hopes or days events whether they are good, happy, sad..etc.  It helps her feel a little more grown up being able to do what others do, it allows her to interact with the world with positive feedback and comments (although we are yet to build up a following) and she has had a few likes to her posts which are good. Nothing gets posted without my approval and no comments are read unless they have been checked by me first.

I think she is slowly starting to get the hang of it, to use it more and its also helping with her creative writing.


2 thoughts on “Taking Control

  1. I think that’s a great idea! Hopefully once she builds up some readership, she’ll be able to enjoy a sense of community and realize she’s not alone. I think you solved the problem very creatively.

    • Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂
      Its early days and I’m not sure it will work but I also don’t want to be one of those parents who are accused by the medical professionals for looking into things too much and causing the anxiety issues. This idea is for her to use when she wants and has that added bonus of being her thing; lets face it, most kids love the computer and internet and as long as I monitor it, I think it could be good.

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