What we all need is someone to rant to. I have work colleagues; we have a laugh, they make me smile, we all moan to each other and get on very well – but we don’t see each other in the evenings or weekends, and we don’t phone each other up. Obviously you get the odd few who become quite ‘clicky’ but that is their choice and they entrust in each other. To me they are colleagues and only so much of my personal life will I divulge; especially as Mr M works for the same company and everyone knows us! I learnt a very long time ago that work colleagues come and go very quickly and rarely stay in contact once left. It’s easier to stand back and let them drift in and back out the other side. That might seem wrong, in fact I know its wrong, because in life, you need friendships (although I have read someone question it and our saying it?) but I don’t want to deal with daily work social traumas and battles – I can do that without the added emotional ties.
There is an unfortunate barrier, an unknown boundary when friendships are forming – what should you be saying or doing when friendships are forming? I suppose that’s what makes us who we are. You can find a great person, but unless you each open up enough to let the other in, the formation of that relationship will be hindered. It might happen quickly, take a length of time, or not even happen at all. You could have a great friendship with someone you know, but as much as you want to ask how they are, what’s up, why they seem so fallen on any particular day, you feel, it’s not your place to question and intrude on their personal feelings and life. Who’s to say they want you in their life or your friendship?
That’s the difference between people and how they interact with the world and those around them. You have those who are extrovert and open to all, talkative, humourous, loving and joyful. Then there are those who, inside are like the above, but introvert, they’re too scared to make that leap, find out whether there is friendship prospects in others. You also have the type who are screaming for attention, but just don’t have the social skills to befriend another without the other person being open and extrovert long enough for the relationship to form. Who’s to say, that the person being nice to you, is doing so out of pure kindness, on the know, that there might be a glimpse of friendship – I think, very few relationships start on that premise but evolve from persistence of the two people.
Some people are the kind of person that takes all or nothing. If they are a friend, they listen, comment and offer advice. They stick with you through thick and thin; they care about their problems but they care for their friends – in return they expect reciprocity, bonding that friendship.
Then you have others, who float in and out of friendships, they are larger than life, have no cares or worries and befriend all. Some, who want the friendship, but are selfish enough, to take and never give back… they drain your soul!
I suppose we are all a little selfish in that we want to vent but we do actually like being able to help our ‘friends’; sit and listen to their troubles, let them unload on us instead of, or as well as, us on them. Why do people think, just because you are dealing with such heavy problems in life, that you can’t cope or want to cope with them or their problems!? I think most of us find comfort, not just knowing others have issues, that sounds wrong, but that we are important enough in their life to help. Be a friend for each other!
We want our friend(s) to talk to us, trust us and feel comfort in the knowledge that we’re there, even when times are hard.
Life’s hard, finding a good friend is harder!